"Swearing"

**Author's note: This post may not be suitable for the easily offended...or for 2-year-olds. My apologies in advance.

The first time I ever swore, it wasn't even a swear word but I still got in trouble. I was seven years old and the offensive expletive was the wicked, naughty phrase "Son of a gun." As soon as the words slipped out of my mouth at the dinner table, out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom's face whip around to look at me. I sat there, frozen, with a growing sense of dread. Damnit, I was in trouble. I turned to look at the fire-breathing dragon sitting where my dear mother had been not a moment before, and had I had more swear words in my seven-year-old vocabulary at the time, I am sure I would have thought to myself, "Oh shit."

I grew up in a household where swearing simply didn't exist. We weren't religious by any means...this was just one of my mom's golden rules, which is all really funny because these days, my mother is the biggest curser I know. In fact, "son of a bitch" is her favorite expletive today, but back then, "son of a gun" was enough to earn you a licking. Thus it was that I spent 18 years never having uttered a swear word in my entire life, a fact that tickled my college roommates pink to no end.

I remember how one day, my roommates and I were sitting around and chatting in our common room when somehow it came up that I didn't swear. They couldn't believe it and they begged me to say one swear word, to just give cursing a try, just say "Shit" just once and see how it feels. I caved under peer pressure and I said it, except it came out sounding like "Shh It" because I really struggled getting it off my tongue. You have to understand: it was like speaking a foreign language. I also felt ridiculous saying it: there I was, a generally happy but very nerdy girl with thick glasses. What business did I have swearing like some ruffian? 

Well, dear reader, I've some good news to report. You'll be happy to learn that since that fateful day over 10 years ago, I have mastered the art of swearing. Yes, I have transformed into the creator of some very colorful strings of swear words, the most melodious combinations of "fucks" and "shits" and "motherfucking assholes" that the world has ever heard. I know it is not very ladylike, and I've been told that swearing doesn't really suit me. But I seriously can't help it. These things just fall trippingly off my tongue, usually before I even realize I am saying it.

That's not to say that I am constantly swearing. Other than the sprinkling of expletives in everyday conversations with friends, I generally observe some boundaries when it comes to swearing. After all, there is a time and place for it. Venting about something morbidly craptastic? Ok. Joking around with your friends? Ok. Swearing in front of little children? Not ok. Swearing at a loved one? Definitely not ok.

I am extremely adamant about that last point. Surprisingly, for all the artful curses that I utter to myself when I'm frustrated or upset, I never ever swear when I am actually in an argument with another person. To me, if you're going to argue, then you need to say what it is you need to say. As far as I know, saying "Fuck You" to another person never solved any problem. It might make you feel better...but this isn't like venting, is it? You're making yourself feel better by inflicting pain on another person. And if you think words are harmless, think again. An old boyfriend of mine once ended an argument with me by saying: "This is purely to make me feel and sleep better: Fuck You." He said it simply to be mean. It sounded and felt like venom and he achieved what he wanted: he hurt me. I'll never forget it, that son of a gun. I know we all have our own ways of expressing ourselves, but when it comes to dealing with another person, there are better words to use. 

Barring such verbal abuse, I'm still in favor of curse words in general. They can be pretty fun to say, after all, and quite satisfying when you need to blow off steam. I mean, let's be honest here: When you're really upset about something, there is nothing like a good "fuck" to help you feel better. Wouldn't you agree?

Thank you to Gene Roseman of New York, New York, for this topic.

Comments

[Monserrat@apple.com]

This son of a bitch is the best piece of fucking written yet ,better than all those other motherfucking assholes who call themselves 'Writers' . Fucking anchors away betch!! M.

[melissa]

Agreed, in more ways that one.

The Army made me vulgar and dirty, and now I can't undo it-and I agree. It's fucking satisfying.

[Zeb]

I remember my first blatant curse. I'd heard my dad say something was 'fucked up' and I just assumed it was a synonym for 'malfunctioning.' My mother did not agree.