"Possessions"

When you grow up without a lot of money in your family, every new thing you get means the world to you. It doesn't have to be a video game set or even a new bike - in fact, extravagances like that are well outside the realm of possibility for a kid who goes to school with holes in her shoes (yes, I did). No, even the smallest of things - a pin, a book, a doll from the $1 Win-A-Doll machine in the local diner - feels like a luxury when you never expect to get anything nice.

My family was never rich and I can't even say that we were well off. Some years were certainly better than others, but most of the time, we struggled financially. My mother, a waitress, worked six nights a week to make sure my sister and I were well provided for. She did good: We had a home, we had a family car, my sister and I got everything we needed for school, and we always had enough to eat. 

Yes, my sister and I always got everything we needed, but it was rare that we got what we wanted. When we were very little, my mother made great efforts to give us presents for every birthday and Christmas, but as we grew older, the gifts came less and less...not for lack of love, but for lack of money. DON'T WORRY: My sister and I made sure to express our dissatisfaction over this sorry state of affairs. However, my mother always had something to say about hungry kids in Korea, and I think I once caught her talking on the phone with a group of nuns from an orphanage for ungrateful children... Needless to say, my sister and I learned fairly quickly to be thankful for what little we got. And those little gifts really did mean the world to us.

There were the Cabbage Patch Kid dolls that my sister and I both incredibly got on my 7th birthday. There were the tiny individual bags of candy my mom made for us one year when she couldn't take us trick-or-treating because she had to work. There was that Nintendo game set we finally got when we were teenagers, even though we could only afford one controller and one game. And then there was that single box of gourmet chocolates that my sister and I relished when there were no other gifts under the Christmas tree.

But above all this, there was the Anna Bear pin.

When I turned 8, my mother took the whole family out to dinner and a movie, the typical Swanson Family Celebration. We went to the movie theater at Kahala Mall. Back then, there was a Hallmark store directly across from the theater entrance; I think it's still there. Anyway, while my mom purchased the movie tickets, my sister and I wandered into the store to look at all the pretty things. Inside, near the cash register, I fell in love with the Anna Bear pin.

Looking at it, it's nothing special - it's a simple glazed enamel lapel pin of a teddy bear holding a heart with my name on it - but I was mesmerized. It was shiny and pretty and bright. The heart was ringed in red dots that in my imagination turned into rubies. It was the prettiest thing I had ever seen and I lingered over the display, looking at it.

I was still there when my mother eventually came into the store. I didn't even notice her until she was standing next to me and, to my astonishment, asked me if I wanted the pin. Unbelievably, the first words out of my mouth was, "No, it's okay." But my mother insisted. "Really?" I asked, even as she made the purchase at the counter. 

I couldn't believe this was happening. It was nice enough to get a present on my birthday but BOY! - to get a present that I had also WANTED. I tell you, I cherished that pin. I think I wore it a few times, but I mostly kept it stored away somewhere safe so that it would never break or scratch. Apart from the earrings that my mother pierced my ears with when I was a baby, this was my first piece of "jewelry" and I loved it.

I still have that pin. It sits in the top drawer of my jewelry box. Today, it means much more to me than just a present that I had wanted and got. The pin probably cost $5, but that $5 was a lot of money to my family back then. That pin stands for everything my mother has ever done for my sister and me. It stands for everything she did to give us what we needed...and sometimes what we wanted. 

I will never, never throw that pin away...and those red dots will always look like rubies to me.

Thank you to Jessica Lee of Kanagawa, Japan, for her topic: "Tell us the story behind one of your possessions, something no one would ever have thought would have a story behind it."

Comments

[Anonymous]

Wow. What an amazing story. I read an article earlier today ( http://www.slate.com/id/2231262/ ) about writers giving value to the items that they write about and scoffed a little at the idea. Then I read your article. You made that pin priceless in just a few short paragraphs. Kudos to you, Anna!

[CH]

Okay...that almost made me cry in my office...I'm sure you know why...thanks for sharing once again...

[CDH]

Aw, I had a ball in my throat, and when I react physically to a work of art, it's a sign of true talent.

[twitter.com/MSchechter]

Thanks for sharing that Anna, I definitely know where you get that bionic work ethic from now :)

I've enjoyed watching you do what you do this week and I look forward to following along here on your blog.

That was a touching story and it says a lot that you still have and cherish that piece!

[Kelleigh]

Great story! I had flashes to the little things that I've collected over the years. You really captured what it is like to truly cherish something.

[melissa]

Awesome! I'm always fascinated by the life of "things," too. I've been thinking lately about the social life of things, because that's sort of the generational focus, I guess. It's easy to forget that there is a private life in things that can be far more sacred. It's a welcome reminder- thanks, Anna!

[helena]

my favorite so far:)

[Dusty St. Amand]

Lovely.