"When Borrowing becomes Keeping"

A few years ago, I went home to Hawaii for the holidays. Hawaii winters can be humid and hot and you don't want to be the unlucky girl who is caught outside without anything to tie her hair up with. Trust me: There is nothing worse than when your hair sticks to the back of your neck on a muggy day. As the way most things go in my life, I was that unlucky girl.

I asked my friend, Lauren, if she had anything I could borrow to tie my hair with. She handed me a yellow hairband with a knot in it, as if it had snapped apart long ago and she had painstakingly tied it back together to repair it. I accepted it with enormous respect and seriousness - Lauren had gone to great lengths to save that hairband. She obviously loved it very much, and I had to be sure to return it.

Well, hoooooo-wee! Did I come to love that hairband, too! I know it's so very humdrum, but I'm sorry: It was the best damn hairband ever. It was thick, strong and mightily elastic. I swear that it even made my hair look better. By the end of the day, I didn't want to give it back. 

If you've been reading this column long enough, I'm sure you can guess what I did. Yup! I kept it! I told myself that I would of course return the hairband if Lauren asked for it back, but she didn't ask for it back. The correct thing to do would have been to get my own hairband and return hers promptly, but hers was just so great. 

And that was when borrowing became keeping.

Why is borrowing so complicated? It's a simple concept: If you borrow something, return it. We all know this, but I bet we all have a few things on our shelves that don't actually belong to us. Take me for instance. Books, combs, hairbands, sleeping bags, an aquarium - these are all things I have borrowed and just......never returned. You may actually be the owner of this stuff. I like to think of myself as a reliable person, but why I have not returned these things to you, I have no idea. And why you have not asked for your stuff back: equally mystifying. 

I never understand how people can just forget about things they lend out. When I let someone borrow anything, I always remember it and I warn the borrower that failure to return the item will result in a loss of life. But the thing is, I find it awkward to have to ask for my things back, especially if it's something trivial like a pen or a book. I don't really like having to say, "Yo man, where's my shit?"  No, I'd rather wait for you to just return it, on good faith. But that's when things get tricky.

That's when borrowing becomes keeping.

Because you never really know if the person doing the borrowing is going to return your stuff. They could lose it. They could forget that you lent it to them. They might move away and take your stuff with them. Or they might just like the damn thing so much that they hold on to it, hoping that you'll eventually forget about it or that possessing it for a certain length of time automatically grants them ownership. I am guilty as charged.

But the story does have a happy ending. I eventually returned to Hawaii for another trip home and this time around, on a particularly hot and humid day, it was Lauren who was the sorry girl without a hairband. She asked if I had anything she could borrow. I did: Her yellow hairband. I sheepishly handed it back to her, profusely apologizing for having held onto it for so long. I told her that I knew I should have returned it sooner, that I could see that it had been special to her because she had taken the time to repair it and that I should have respected that and just given it back right away. 

She looked at me like I was the village idiot. "What are you talking about, Anna? It was just a hairband. I don't care. Anyway, it was made with a knot in it, I have about 10 more like it."

It was a classic case of "One man's trash is another man's treasure." When borrowing becomes keeping, it could just be that the lender doesn't want their crap back. It could just be that if you had returned it, they would have given it to you anyway. That doesn't say anything good about YOU, you stealer, but maybe it'll help you sleep better at night (and by "YOU" I do mean "ME").

Only you can prevent borrowing from becoming keeping, but don't listen to me. As I have just shown you, I'm no better than the next person and I know that none of you are ever going to let me borrow anything ever again. I guess I can't really blame you, but can I ask you for just one last thing? 

Can you please return my sweater now?

Thank you to Omar Sanders of New Jersey for this topic.

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Comments

[Anne Bono]

OMG. I still have your "Adaptation" DVD. HOW DID YOU KNOW?